Infertility is a hard topic for most people to talk about. Based on all the Facebook announcements, it seems that most people don’t ever have to face infertility. However, 1 in 8 couples suffer from infertility in some way. That number doesn’t seem earth shattering, but when you are in a room with 7 of your closest friends, at least one of you is or will face infertility. That does seem earth shattering to me!
We first discovered that we would have a hard time having children on our own a couple years into marriage. Like so many others, we believed that once we got married it would happen when it was supposed to. But month after month of no child, turned into year after year. There have been many highs and lows. There have been long discussions on next steps and finding something that might make a difference. There have been tears and fears. BUT there have also been many moments of reflection. And in those moments, I have realized that there have been several positives to come out of our time of waiting to become parents.
This photo is from our engagement session way back in 2011. Photo is courtesy of Michele Beckwith Photography.
First, we have been able to grow and change as individuals and as husband and wife. We were high school sweet hearts, but we waited until after college to get married. When I look back at who I was and compare that to who I am today, I see so much growth that I know would have been hindered by becoming a mother in my 20s. I have learned more about myself in the past decade and have used that to decide who I want to be for the next one. If I hadn’t had the time to reflect on how my life has gone and decide how I want it to move forward, I don’t think I could have been the mother I hope to be.
I also see how much our relationship has changed. We have had time to figure out our careers. We’ve been able to move to a larger home that allows us to have the space to have a family more comfortably. We’ve also been able to start living out our dream of growing our own food and are hoping to share that with others soon. But most importantly, we have learned to love our life how it is and love each other fully. We are enough for one another, and that is something I am proud of.
Second, we have learned how to have a healthier home. I’m not just talking about having healthy conversations and being good to each other. I’m talking about removing the toxins from our home and making it healthier all around.
A few years ago, I found the Natural Fertility Breakthrough program. Through their fertility breakthrough challenge, we learned all about the chemicals found in our home that negatively impact our fertility. Things such as air fresheners, laundry soap, non-stick pans, beauty products, and so much more contain toxins that negatively impact our health even beyond fertility. How do we allow these products into our homes? We are led to believe that we need to use them to have a clean and safe home. But we don’t! Baking soda, vinegar, and some essential oils are all you need to have a clean and safe home. Check back later for a post on my favorite homemade cleaning products.
Third thing we’ve learned is that nutrition matters. Being a healthy weight is important in the journey to parenthood. But what we feed our bodies is important beyond that! When approaching a new situation, we know that what we put into it is what we will get out of it, and that is true of your body, too! The foods we eat impacts us down to the cellular level. When we eat processed foods or foods that cause inflammation, we are making changes to our cells that can be potentially harmful. Now, that doesn’t mean that everything natural is good. Arsenic anyone? But the benefits of eating whole foods from the earth are numerous and far outweigh the benefits of eating foods where the nutrients have to be built back in.
One thing that really changed my thinking about nutrition is this- What I eat today not only impacts me, but will also impact my grand children. How is that? I am holding the cells that will eventually become my child. Those cells contain the DNA that will also be passed along to their children. When you are carrying a child, their reproductive organs are being formed. They are creating the cells that will create the next generation. So the thought of giving them less than the best chance of creating a healthy baby of their own really weighs on me. Once I made that realization, I really wanted to push myself to make positive changes. I also want to set a good example of what a healthy life looks like for our future child. And I know that I can’t flip the switch to make those changes overnight, so having these past few years to get on a healthy path has been a blessing.
My most favorite human (and adventure dog).
Let me be super honest. These past 8 years have been HARD. I know we still have an uphill battle and time is not on our side. BUT I also think it is super important to look for the positive, so that we don’t fall into the darkness of what we see as missing. Seeing these positives has not been easy. There have been many dark days. There will be many more in the future. But having a little ray of hope is what keeps me going.
What is keeping you going? What have you learned through your journey?
*I am in no way affiliated with the Natural Fertility Breakthrough program. The link is provided to share information I found helpful in our fertility journey.